I understand that you are stuck behind an ass trying to make an illegal left turn, and you would really like to get past him now if not sooner; but obviously, he doesn’t care about your convenience. It seems that he also doesn’t care about the horn you’ve been laying on for the last minute and a half.

I, on the other hand, care deeply about your convenience and would firebomb the scofflaw, if such were possible (as I lack explosives) and legal (as I have no wish to go to prison). However, I think intentions should count for something, so taking our mutual hatred for the illegal-left-hand-turn-making-idiot into account, could you do me this one eensy favor?

Lay. Off. The. Horn.

Obviously, your horn is not producing the desired result. The scofflaw has not moved, and it seems he will not do so until such time as he gets to make his mother-loving, donkey-fellating, left hand turn. Your auto horn, on the other hand, is impacting MY day rather directly, and both I and the customer on the other end of my phone would be eternally in your debt if you would take a few breaths, find your zen, and remember that, auto karma being what it is, the scofflaw will most assuredly get his, probably in short order.

No, really.

Customer: I’m looking for ::Insert description of item we don’t have anything even close to.:: would ::item:: be a good match?
Me: No. ::item:: is really nothing like what you are looking for, but we could run up a custom quote for you.
Customer: No, my customer is OUT of ::non-existent-box:: and needs more NOW.
What I do not say: Well, obviously it already exists somewhere. You can’t just ask them where they bought it last?
What I do say: I’m sorry, but we don’t have anything that matches what you’re looking for. Here’s the info to begin a custom quote request, if you want to go that direction.
Customer: Allright. I’ll order samples of ::item:: anyway, just to check them out.
Me: You have a good day.

We’re not like a shoe store. There’s no special back room where we’re keeping the one item you really really want. If it’s not listed, we don’t have it. We may be able to magic it up out of nothing, but that does take time and money.

• Idiot compassion – when being nice and doing good are not the same thing: http://tinyurl.com/m2mm7f #
• Tweetdeck shortens urls weather I ask it to or not. Great. If the last link doesn’t work, let me know. #
• Forget SMD’s, now I’m getting follows that are one shot ads for adult sites? #
• Something major is on fire in town.. channel 7, 5, and one other have choppers hovering, multiple firetrucks # Seriously, anyone know what went kerblooey? #
• RT @res5cue: Lodi, NJ has a 3rd alarm fire in vacant plastics factory near girabaldi ave. Multi ladders iin op. #
• RT @mocharaia: Huge fire across the street from our store in Lodi. http://twitpic.com/882wh #
• Realtime search FTW #
• RT @david_thornton Fire in Lodi near the DMV. http://twitpic.com/886bt #
• Am wondering how many alarms that thing’s up to – another batch of firetrucks seem to be rolling in. Newscopters are gone though. Also, can now smell the smoke. Lovely. #lodifire #
• RT @njheadlines Fire breaks out at contaminated industrial site in Lodi http://tinyurl.com/nf3mta # And some footage here http://tinyurl.com/mk3utu # and http://bit.ly/3qhgvB #
• Apparently, I walked out of the house with my shirt on backwards. It’s gonna be that kind of day. #
• Finished Anansi Boys. Started out a little meh, but picked up towards the middle and finished lovely. #
• Steampunk twitter: http://bit.ly/sgTal # and http://bit.ly/X3i8Q #
• RT @jephjacques: …”nonspecific regret about the death of a celebrity I found distasteful as a human being regardless of his oeuvre” #
• RSS feeds for twitter searches are swiftly replacing my google news alerts. #
• (Yes, but I’m convinced that SC is actually part of PA) RE: @catladyfemme Huh. Sussex County, NJ is country as hell. #
• Wow. Nigerian scam emails are now going scifi: http://kazbaby.dreamwidth.org/720988.html #
• Worst part of the creative process – trying to decide if a piece is 95% or 100% done. #
• NJ apt. listings: @gsanj . Neat. Also depressing. I could cut my rent by 1/3, but my commute would triple. #

• RT @lizbee: Pride & Twitterverse: http://tinyurl.com/p3pymc #
• Sometimes coming up with the title for a post is the hardest part #
• If I don’t know you, calling me honey or sweetie is a good way to make me try an’ set you on fire with my mind, regardless of your gender. #
• Just for the record, you can follow or friend at will, but I might not always follow back (I’ve got trouble keeping up w/my list already.) #
• Also, if I’m not following you and you need to get a message to me, DMs are a better bet (they don’t get lost as easily) #twitter #
• Google seems to be down. Fuck me. #
• Watcing realtime search results via twitter is neat as hell #
• And google is back. Sheesh. #
• The netflix streaming player now works with firefox. I no longer have to use IE to watch movies #
• RE http://bit.ly/16zE6o Assuming you’re referring to real poly, not “OMG lotsa sexin” that I’ve seen folks conflate it with (w/bad results) #
• (excellent photography thisaway) RT @chrisbelli: Yellowstone Photos are up… http://bit.ly/d9OHC #
• When getting a tattoo, communication is crucial: http://bit.ly/ZtIvB #
• Anita Blake coming to TV: http://bit.ly/psE8w #
• RE http://bit.ly/lHo8s No, you don’t need followers. You need interesting content. The rest takes care of itself. #
• I’m utter rubbish with real paint, but I love reading about the science of pigments: http://bit.ly/49hEZU #
• Missing my grandma’s oatmeal cookies so much #
• Changing the color of my userpic is not going to change the world, I think. #bandwagonsannoyme #
• To be clear, showing support for the iran protesters is important, but a 1-click, make-icon-green service is just lazy. Also, ineffective. #
• Shit! RT @cnnbrk: Continental jet whose pilot died in flight will be landed by two first officers at Newark airport in New Jersey. #
• More info here: http://bit.ly/zcvpN #
• Just a few miles down the way from me: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/cbs-news #
• cat is declaring war on my keyboard #
• Announcing in advance that you plan on placing a large order is nice, but it does not mean you get a cookie. #
• Yes, support is good. Yes, operating proxies is very good. No, Twitter won’t bring down Ahmadinejad. http://bit.ly/x5i4H #

Yes, I speak quickly. When annoyed or stressed, I speak even faster. I understand that this may make me hard to understand if you’re not used to it. I will try to chill out of you mention it.

Being passive aggressive is not the same thing as being polite or nice, and I can sniff that out faster than you would believe. It will not endear you to me, and it will not make me want to go that extra mile for you.

You are free to ask how my day is going. That is, however, a personal question and one I am not obligated to answer (truthfully or otherwise). If I decline to answer and instead ask how I can help you today, you will take the damn hint and drop it. It’s not rude for me to politely sidestep a personal question (even if you don’t think it’s terribly personal). It IS rude of you to force the issue, and it’s INCREDIBLY rude for you to cop an attitude afterward.

Asking where my company is located and then sniffing “well, that explains it” when I tell you that we’re in Newark is also rude. No, really.

Please keep in mind that you are a stranger who wouldn’t know me from Adam, and as such, there’s are certain modes of address that, I swear to god, are just not appropriate. This would include calling me honey, darling, dear, sugar or anything else that you might find yourself calling your spouse in bed. I’m not fond of “miss” but I’ll live with it. (Same for ma’am, though that feaks me out a bit as it makes me look around for my mother.) I’ll let it slide if I’m in a good mood, or unstressed, but if you hear my voice chill and my mode of address to you get ever more formal, you might want to pick up on the clue that you’re hopping over a line and it might be best if you hopped back over it right now.

Genuine respect and a decent attitude will get you a hell of a lot further than playing bait the yankee, I kid you not.