Nobody hates the Yankees like New Yorkers who root for the Mets. Not the folks in Boston, not the folks in Toronto, not the folks in whatever team just lost their superstar because the Yanks offered them the annual GDP of a second-world country. You do not root for them even if they are playing an all-star team comprised of Hitler and his henchmen. The 2001 World Series, Arizona-Yankees, with lower Manhattan still smoldering from the terrorist attacks and the city stil burying its dead? Not even then.

Miss_Porcupine, explaining about NYC sports.

Desktop Publishing (Teterboro,NJ) – Industrial Distributor of machine shop supplies is seeking a full time, entry level desktop operator

Dumb, but not snark worthy. (Everyone is advertising for “entry level” openings lately ’cause no one wants to pay for experienced workers.) However, it often leads to…

to work on catalog design, sales brochures etc.

Unless they’re coming in as someone’s assistant, this is not entry level work. Well, not if you don’t want the work to suck. And I say this having been hired fresh out of school to *do* jobs like this, and I did not know my ass from a hole in the wall. I was unhappy, my employers were unhappy… it was a bad idea all all around.

Applicants must have extensive knowledge of Photoshop, Pagemaker, Indesign, Adobe Acrobat and in preparing files for printing.

“Extensive knowledge” does not dovetail with “entry level”. No, really. Once again, the words do not mean what you think they mean.

That’s not a huge hardship. I only get a real burning urge to listed to them every few years, (ah, nostalgia) and we do still have a tape deck in the house, but 1.) these are old tapes and every run though the player degrades them a smidgen more (not that I took stellar care of them back when…) and 2.) I’d have to dig though the damn closet to get to the storage bin, and that’s a lot of work for something I’m going to have to re-pack into storage. Also, 3.) I am quite used to digital convenience by now and would like to use some of these tracks in a modern (ipod-esque) manner.

So this may be one of my spring/summer projects. If I don’t get distracted first. :)

We’re looking for someone who is facile with setting up web sites, installing scripts, cpanel, email autoresponders, web 2.0 sites

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

AND, who wishes to learn internet marketing techniques including on page and off page SEO, list building, article marketing, membership sites, etc

We want some magic pixie dust to make our website better. Actually, we just bought the pixie dust, but when it doesn’t work, it’ll be your fault.

This is an ideal spot for a student just starting out.

We prefer a blank slate we can brainwash. Also, we’re going to pay peanuts and students work cheap.

Most of the websites will be constructed by others but need to be installed on our hosting accounts and adapted to our business systems which include tracking, linking, building content and backlinks, etc.

We just dicked over our last developer. Hard.

You will have the opportunity to learn internet marketing techniques, specialized internet marketing software, and observe/learn from senior web designers.

Want some kool-aid baby?

This is a paid position.

Technically.

Skill at copy writing a plus (article rewriting, sales copy, web site content, blog posting/commenting, etc.)

You will wear many hats and grow to resent them all.

Looking for someone to set-up a rather simple web site

Simple is as simple does, you know. And client!simple almost never corresponds to actually!simple.

and then train me on how to update it

Oh dear. I did that for a client once. It ended poorly. Sometimes i even think about sending them bags of flaming poop.

have the domain names already and quite honestly COULD do it myself, no time as I am in start-up and have other demands upon my time

This is always a bad sign. Clients who think they can do what they’re hiring you to do almost never value your work appropriately. Either they can do the work and really are that lazy (and will probably nitpick you to death) or can’t do it but think they can, leading to the land of unrealistic requests (because it’s so easy, you know). And “in startup”? Er, no. It sounds like he’s got a “great” idea and nothing else.

probably take a true pro less than an hour with a 15 minute break for coffee

So anyone who takes longer than an hour on your incredibly vague, undefined project is not a pro. Really. I do assume you have all the images and copy ready to go, and just need a code monkey to lay it out, right? No forms or interactivity at all, yes?

Yup. Laughing now. Also, it’s good to remember why I don’t do much freelance anymore. (And thank $deity that I don’t have to.)

Guerrilla humor at it’s finest.

8-way video card. You know, for when you need to convert that entire wall in your living room into a video display.

Color photos from WWI. Until I get a Tardis, it’s the next best thing.

Gennady Spirin – Lines and Colors always hooks me up with the nifitiest artists. :)

Bluefooted – another artist to drool over.