Customer in livechat: what kind of box do you recommend for homemade soap? they are a pretty standard size bar
Me: ::headdesk::

It never ceases to amaze me how many people assume that my job involves thinking for them. Or telepathy.

I might have been book obsessed as a kid, but I completely missed the whole thing with Flowers in the Attic, back in the day. (I also missed out on The Great Gatsby, but that’s another thing altogether.) Having leafed though the first few chapters (and then gone on to wikipedia to avoid slogging though the whole thing), I can only say thank god for small favors. *This* was ok for 15 year olds, but I was the weird one ’cause I was reading bodice rippers? (and getting them confiscated regularly)

Oh, wait - my bodice rippers had half nekkid women on the front cover. The gothic incesty craziness had downright prim cover art, and so passed the adult sniff test. Gotta love it.

Dear customer -
The number of different products we carry is somewhere in the more-than-several thousands. I’m glad that you want a quote for a “custom printed box” but you’re going to have to be just a little more specific if you want us to be able to run up a printing quote.

not so much love,
me.

PS - ::begin extra snark:: Of course, I am working on that mail order parapsychology/Advanced ESP course, and if you want to wait until that certificate comes through (should be any day now, really), I’ll be able to help you without requiring you to lift a finger or strain your brain at all. ::end extra snark::

Dear customers,
Your desire to be “green” is commendable, but you should understand the following:

• Asking for a biodegradable paper cup is redundant.
• Unless specifically stated otherwise, ALL commercial paper products sold today contain some recycled content. (100% virgin paper is horrifically expensive) No, we do not have the exact percentage breakdowns for all of our products.
• Soy based ink might be the hot new thing, but you only need it on items that you plan on putting in your mouth or on/near food.
• Looking green and being green are not the same thing. Tying your boxes with raffia will look nice, but will not reduce your carbon footprint.
• On the above note, you might want to think about NOT buying quite so much packaging from us, if you’re really interested in being eco-friendly.

I will kill people today, Leo! I will kill people with this cricket bat, which was given to me by Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth Windsor, and then I will kill them again with my own hands!

Dear WP users-
The WP theme development community is mind boggingly huge, but you haven’t been able to find that one perfect theme that shows off your special snowflake-ness. And you whine that css is just too haaard to learn. And you don’t want to pay anyone else to make a custom theme for you.

My tiny violin, it is playing just for you.

No love,
me.

For anyone out there who’s riding the train of “Laurel Hamilton sucks so much ’cause the Anita Blake books have turned into porn!”, go grab a copy of Strange Candy and read Geese.

This story was first published in one of the Sword and Sorceress anthologies, it was the first work of hers that I ever read, and it completely rocks.

And on the subject of the Anita!hate - WTF? Violence, death, gore and adolescent mooning about are ok, but teh sex is bad? What, PWP can only happen in fanfic?

The only person who gets to call me “sweetie” is my mom. You do not meet that requirement, and can therefore drop dead.

…grumble grumble….

If I had known that it was going to hit *ninety* today, I’d have worn shorts when I went hiking.

Seriously, it’s still April, right? I didn’t oversleep and wake up in June or anything?

So, once again, fandom-in-general is Displeased and reacts by…. holding it’s breath until it turns blue? ‘Cause that’ll teach ‘em?

And people wonder why I’m an antisocial misanthrope.