I get that some artists want to have “artsy” websites. Usually this is confined to multimedia offerings of various quality, but sometimes you get an artist (or possibly the artist’s web designer) who decides they want to “think outside the box”. Or possibly re-invent the wheel.

They think to themselves, “Every website scrolls vertically. But I’m an *artist* and cannot conform to the herd! My website will scroll horizontally!”

Look, you’re a talented photographer. You might even be a special snowflake. None of this will make it easier for me to actually *see* your work, as you have decided that it’s necessary for your website to bork my keyboard. The page up and page down keys? I use them to navigate up and down within a web page. I do not have a page left and page right key, so if I want to see the rest of the page I have to use the left and right arrow keys. This takes a long time. It is boring.

When I am bored, I leave your site.

If you want to design your next book, portfolio, or flier as a 3 yard long horizontal fanfold affair, go for it. I’ll be impressed and I might even purchase the book, as you are a good photographer and I am fond of pretty things. Assuming you have the time and budget, print design and layout is where you can go nuts. Website design is where it would be very nice if you remembered that my mouse, pen, and keyboard prefer pages to go up and down, not left to right.

Dear customer -
When we say the showroom is open by appointment only that’s what we mean. You do not get to just drop by and expect us to “fit you in”, and it doesn’t matter *how* far you drove. (We’re not David’s Bridal) No, letting you wander around the warehouse on your own is NOT an option. (And the item you wanted to order doesn’t even ship from this location.)

You’re a recently graduated graphic design student. You’re not working for a company, but you have a $3,000 budget to commission custom packaging for your portfolio. Can I trade with you? (Though srsly, from what you were spec’ing out, 3 grand probably won’t cut it.)

Original post here

Logo/Graphic Designer Needed
I am looking for a graphic designer to help me create a specific logo for a new company.

Allright – not too horrifying. Though I do wonder about specific. Are you expecting that someone might make you a logo intended for someone else?

This logo is crucial to the project

Aren’t they all?

and will be fine tuned until perfect.

Oh, there’s where the bad smell was coming from. And two months later, when you’ve dithered about colors, font faces, and that curly bit on the end that just doesn’t feel right to you; after you’ve gotten the input of everyone involved with your project (only to ignore all suggestions); after you have finally signed off on the logo that is ever so perfect… your printer will have to tell you that he can’t use it on press.

Good luck getting the poor sap who signed on for this back after the check clears. They’ll probably be burning you in effigy.

Ideally I would like to meet in person to discuss the direction we are going in.

I’m going out the door. And which we are you referring to?

We will pay a agreed price for the project.

Oh, the royal we. How quaint. I hope you can afford the difficult client surcharge, your majesty.

Dear passive aggressive customer -

“I’m not good with computers” is not an excuse to forget how to read or think for yourself. We’re not asking you to re-partition your hard drive – you just have to fill in basic information on a form and press two gods-be-dammed buttons. This has NOTHING to do with being “good with computers”. If you can fill out the basic contact form in your doctor’s office, you should be able to do this.

I’m sorry that the big scary internet makes you forget how to function as an adult, but I do not have access to your computer, nor am I getting paid to allay your fears about technology. You’re going to have to pull up your big girl pants and push the button your own damm self.

with sincere stabby rage,
Me

PS – You almost made me snap my favorite pen.

PPS – Yes, our UI isn’t perfect. I’d love it if we could put more time and energy into making it better, but my IT guy is overworked as it is and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about usability on a good day, and the owner of the company doesn’t have the faintest clue what we’re talking about and isn’t going to put money towards interface development when I’m the only person in the company saying that there’s a problem.