I am working on christmas eve. Half the office isn’t even here, and my brains are dripping out my ears from the boredom. I should have actually partied during the office party on friday, but I was my geek self and worked through most of it. All I really want to do is get in the car and drive out to my family for Big Family Dinner time. (Which I will be doing in about two or three hours.)

In spite of the fact that I get to leave early today, I want to go *now*. I just get homesick sometimes. Ok, I’m 26 and my apartment really is my home, but the house where I was raised (and *born* fer chrissakes) is where part of my heart will always be. Mmrf.

And in spite of everything, I’m guilting myself for not doing more in the gift department. Aarg. I never used to worry about these things. Christmas was about more than just who got what and who gave what and how many boxes you brought. And now I’ve been infected with this sense of inadequacy because I didn’t get something for *everyone*, in spite of the fact that we aren’t *supposed* to go overboard like that with my family.

Which means I spent last night baking like a fiend. The cookies turned out ok. (My backup plan included hitting a bakery this morning if I screwed up)

Anna has some good observations on Spike’s redemption.

Giving gift certificates feels like a cop out. But I like it when I get them. (They always seem to be for Borders or Barnes and Noble) But I like putting some real thought into gifts and GS’s just seem so damm… easy. Generic. So I’ve made myself insane again this year trying to find The Perfect Gift for everyone. And living right next to Paramus, NJ (more malls than you can shake a stick at) doesn’t help. I’m drowning in a sea of mass marketed pseudo retail culture. It sucks.

Another casting call idea…. Scotty 2 Hotty as Deadpool. (No one should enjoy their work that much)

The Anti-Thesaurus - An interesting idea. Don’t think it’ll ever work, but it would be nice.

This is the first year I can remember where I’m actively not enjoying the holidays. Too damm much stuff to do, too many things I have to buy, not enough time to sleep. Urg.