Sleep is like Golconda. It’s a state I’ve heard of, but never quite achieve.
-Jim Fayerbend, staff member, while partying after a game

May Odin grant you wisdom
May Thor Grant you Strength
May Hemidall grant you Sight
May Dagda give Schmendrick Eternal peace
-Thorn

See Crane. Crane is a Scourge. Prince appointed Scourges are vigilant of unknown Canites who seek entrance into the Prince’s Domain. See Crane seek out and destroy newcomers who fail to present themselves thus breaching the Camarilla’s Tradition of Hospitality. See the victim of improper protocol who violates the Prince’s Domain shed buckets of blood as punishment via the hands of the Camarilla sanctioned Scourge.
Scourge, Crane, Scourge!
-Scaven

Yeah, pick on the temperamental Brujah with the rocket launcher.
-Paul, out of character, right before Felix gets dominated.

You’re not very good at that, are you?
-Gangrel elder to young Tremere, after she botches a dominate roll and sends herself to sleep.

I don’t tell him how to be dead, I don’t think he should be telling me how to take heads.
-Jamie, on the Prince of Atlantic City’s edict that no Immortal duels shall take place within the city limits.

“Well there seems to be a temporal disturbance along most of the east coast.”
“Well just how close can you get me to the coast?”
“About here.” *points to an area near the Mississippi*
“Is up here doable?” *points to the middle of Canada*
“I suppose so, but isn’t that a bit far from where you wanted to be?”
“I’ll figure something out.”
-Ria and the head of the tempus project.

“These are all very nice, but wouldn’t you like something a bit heavier?”
“How much heavier can you go?”
*presses a button, and a wall falls back, revealing a big arsenal of things that go BOOM* “Heavy enough?”
“Not bad. There’s just one problem. I don’t seem to have much money on me at the moment.”
*button gets pressed again, and all the BOOM things go away*
“However, I kinda need then to make sure some Spirals die very soon.”
*The BOOM things come back*
“Let’s talk.”
-Ria and a Get of Fenris arms dealer

“You killed my dog?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“You killed my dog?”
“Eric, your dog was about to make us all into very small pieces of meat.”
-Eric, Paul, and Alana. Paul had just killed Spot (by siphoning about 15 paradox points into him) on account of the fact that Spot turned out to be a HIT mark.

*knock knock, door opens*
“Hello, girl scout cookies here, every third box guarenteed to have a real live girl scout in it, and if you order now-”
*wham* (Suddenly Ria finds herself on the floor with a bleeding face.)
-Ria, trying to track Thorn down in his haven. Too bad it wasn’t Thorn that answered the door.

Butler: These are the rules… You may only be in one of the three bedrooms set aside for you and your comrades, this foyer, the lounge with the televition set, and the dinning room. All other rooms in this house are off limits. If you want anything to eat, drink, read, or fuck you will call for me and I will get it for you…

Wyrm Taint? No No, correct grammar is just a..er..certain kinda smell that Pentex Agents give off.

(Argueing over Marco’s lore liberary)
YOU DO _NOT_ HAVE A KING JAMES VERSION OF THE NECRONOMICON!
-Mirella

(As Gehenna Happens Around Them)
Ah yes, I read about that in in the Big Book of Going to Hell.
-Marco of the Goon Squad

Todd: I just finished reading the Freak Legion book!
John: How is it?
Todd: It’s cool… I just finished building Godzilla as a starting character!

Live by the sword, trip and fall on the sword, die by the sword.
-Malkavian, commenting on the Assamites

“Well, another Sabbat dropping in….”
“Let me guess. Daaark, deadly, and depressed?”
-Shallager

Why did the Tremere cross the road?
Because there was someone asleep on the other side.
-Fenris

Silly vampire. Sunlight is for humans.

What? You’ve been assigned to SECURITY? On the ENTERPRISE? Boy, I sure hope you’re life insurance is paid up, pal!
-overheard in a corridor, Star Base 5

“A little Malkav goes a long way, but a lot goes further.”
-Heather Nicoll

“Q: What’s a Malkavian? A: Portable chaos.”
-Lisa (a.k.a. Holly)

“That’s the worst thing about Malkavians…you never know whether to shoot them or listen to them. They’ll either lead you right to your goal or try to get you to go sunbathing. Wouldn’t
surprise me if God was a Malkavian.”
-Capt. Jean St. Dupris, Clan Gangrel

“When you find yourself falling into madness, dive!”
-Malkavian saying

“Try playing a Malkavian. Devote yourself to annoying people in subtle and creative ways. Misinterpret everything they say. Poke them.”
-Ashley

“All right, let’s lay down some ground rules:
1.) Don’t mess with a Malkavian
2.) Don’t mess with a Malkavian when there are other Malkavians around.
3.) Do _not_ mess with a Malkavian who’s packing enough Dominate to make you act like a playful puppy (sit, fetch, roll over, play dead….GOOD BOY!)
4.) Don’t mess with a Malkavian (did I forget to mention that?)
-Raven Darksaint

But soft, what light through younder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the AAAHHHHH THE SUN!!!!!! *FOOM!*
-Toreador Theatre

“Have you ever been hit on the head with a shovel?.”
- Dr.Aren Mayatine to any suspected Sabat Nov, 1995

“Is it just me or did fashion fuckin die when we did?”
- Marcus Kane commenting after observing several Tremere and Toreador Kindred for the first time. Nov, 1995 (Chicago Requiem)

This book makes a fine addition to any Library! It’s been bound in alien flesh and bone and written on human skin! Impress your family! Astound your friends! Right. And anyone who
actually wants it stand up. The fact is, no single book anywhere has the nasty reputation of the Necronomicon. It contains forbidden lore and stuff Man Was Not Meant To Know. This makes
it virtually irresistable to some players. My players don’t want it, though, because I gave it to them once. They live in dread of ever finding it again.
-A DM’s thoughts on the Necronimocion

Father, there’s a mysterious stranger at the door for you. Shall I blast him with Prime?
-Andy, with vigor.

The group who played in a space opera campaign I used to run seemed to have a simple two stage plan.
1. If it moves, shoot it!
2. If it’s still moving, RUN!!!
They had one exception to the rules. Shoot nuclear/fusion/anti-matter reactors to pieces, then run like hell!!! Watch the fireworks from a safe distance.
-David Power

You see a normal Shoggoth.
-An anonymous CoC GM

Well, we could kick the shit out of people.
-A Star Wars player commenting on the idea of a party composed entirely of Jedi, and the potential merits thereof

PC: “Wait I am in front!”
GM:”There’s a monster up ahead”
Everyone Else: “I’m at the back!”

“I’m looking for something occult.”
-Player, thumbing through a copy of the Necronomicon

Player: Take a look inside the box.
GM: It won’t open. It’s a very magical box which won’t open until the GM has decided what’s inside it.

Situation: Garou are chasing down a Glass Walker (PC, I should add) who stole the pathstone fetish from the Caern. The pursuers are in a Lexus (driven by a Silver Fang Ahroun - Shadow
Lord Ahroun Elder in passenger seat). Glass Walker is climbing into a cab ahead of the pursuers.
Silver Fang: “Rhya, what do we do now?”
Shadow Lord: “Ramming speed!”

The Archangel stole my coat!
-After meeting the Angelic Hosts

Not that we in Order of Hermes care much about humans, but that was unneccessary!
-Emma, after the Euthanatos a bit too nonchalantly eliminated their driver.

Speak softly and carry a plus-six bastard sword.

Well, you see, there are birds, and there are bees, and there are dracoliches.
-PoisonedBlade (Yeah, but birds and bees are much less likely to kill you.)

Yes, I’m sure dragons sleep with their eyes open.
-Archmage

I disbelieve the illusion! I still disbelieve the illusion!
-Jason St.Aubin, shortly before dying

Hmmmm… It appears to be some kind of fungus…
-O. S. Kerr

I punch the demon…
-Chris Meinck

No, I’m sure there’s some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won’t work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I’ll prove it.
-Philip

After successfully retrieving the fabled artifact, The Foot of Narf, from the very depths of Hell, the haughty cavalier makes an insulting remark about the female thief’s gyneacological monthly
visitation. She instinctively wizzes her poisoned dagger+5 at his back. She rolls a critical hit coupled with her backstab x5. The cavalier falls dead. The priest/mage attempting a divine
intervention, fumbles the roll and informs the ArchDevil Hilord Gornathag to your exact location. He telepathically triggers the hidden curse which can only be activated in the plane of Limbo,
exactly where the party happens to be. The mage/cleric, thief, paladin, assassin, and cyborg hitman are paralyzed and reduced to 1hp apiece. A spelljamming kobold lost in the plane of
Limbo happens upon the party’s position. He kills them all, grabs the loot and lives happily ever after. The end.
-Justicar

Roll to see if you step off the sidewalk successfully. Yikes, an 18–that’s a fumble. Roll on the fumble table. A 97–that means you broke BOTH your ankles. Roll on the random encounter
(cities) table–13 is a mounted cavalry troop at a gallop. They shout for you to get out of the way but of course you can’t. Take, lesse, 12, 15, 17 points of damage, and roll to see if any of your
magic items broke. (Seven rolls later) Your wand of fireballs broke! It had 12 charges left, so that means, tum-te-tum, 107 points of damage. Start rolling up a new character…
-Joshua Macy

Telling the DM you’d like to date his sister…
-Mark Joyal (as a good way to get killed in a game)

A Crucifix? Oy vey! — have YOU got the wrong vampire!
-Unknown

There are wyrm things that do that kinda crap, man.
-Milo, on tentacle-hentai

The only thing I have other than an ulcer, a DUI and several thousand dollars in debt is a festering yet undeniable love for Vampire and its sense of brooding, gothic horror. Every time
some illiterate mongrel sends me a shrill, rabid e-mail demanding that he be allowed to play a Dragon/Angel Archmage and obliterate the city of Compton with the Level Sixty power of
BlowShitUpus, it makes me want to put a gun to my head. Every whiny letter that complains how such-and-such clan used to be so cool but we fucked it up in the revised edition brings me one
step closer to serial murder. Every poorly punctuated missive from a one-eyed high-school cave dwarf decrying me for how much better he could do my job makes the extinction of the human race all the more appealing.
-from the revised V:tM FAQ, by Justin Achilli

By the time the 400th idiotic question finds its way to my mailbox, and it’s sitting next to a six-page dissertation on why I should be fired for allowing a vampire to be Embraced from the
Ugaritic Sub-Saharan Huns when their cultic religion so clearly prevents them from drinking blood, I get a bit disgusted. By the time I see my 3,000th Celtic Gangrel, merry Ravnos trickster
or wacky, teddy-bear carrying Malkavian, I wonder why I even bother thinking about these books, when so many people seem to want the same old pap and stupidity each month.
-from the revised V:tM FAQ, by Justin Achilli

“Wow that looks expensive!” were the words of a fighter, who had seen only drawings of dragons before, and who was looking upon an unconscious baby silver dragon.
The rest of the party literally knocked some sense into him, and they helped the baby.
-Mengu Gungor

While being attacked by a character 1/3 his size, one player yelled out, “Fool, pain is my friend! Allow me to introduce you to him.!” while slamming the guy repeatedly against the stone floor.

I’ll pick the old helpless guy’s pocket… the one with the old book and the staff.
-The Bone Mage

Hey! Why do we see if they’ll let us JOIN the orckish horde.
-Walaker

Ok then, we duel. Choose your weapon, swords or pistols. Swords? Ok, I choose pistols.
-Evan Pedersen

Ohhhh, it’s the IRON wand that shoots fireballs and the IVORY one that heals.
-KJaguar